He Pulls Away:  We've all been there. To hell and back that is.

"If you desperately want to learn what to do when you feel the cold, clammy fingers of heart ache vice gripping themselves around your poor heart, obviously you want to learn everything you can so that you can keep him with you without losing your self respect and if you want to learn how to find out why and how this happened, then reading this short article to the very end could well be the most productive 2 minutes you ever spend!

I feel your pain. Uncertainty is clouding your judgement. How to keep him interested? Friends and family are no help as they can't see or feel the things he says and does that tell you he is slipping away.

The hurt seems to occupy every moment of your day. It sure looks and feels like you are about to check into heartbreak hotel, again. You know there has to be a way to find out what's wrong, but something is holding you back.

Think about this:

  • Given the incredible advances in psychology and human behavior, it has never been easier to find solutions to our relationship problems. Never.
  • It doesn't require having piles of money, iron determination, having someone at your side every moment, being a world class chef or being the perfect woman. It is a simple matter when one cuts through all the smoke.
  • Cutting through the smoke is the hard part when he pulls away.
  • In fact, if you have yet to experience the confidence to jump into this successfully, it likely has nothing to do with you.
  • What to do when he pulls away? I know of no situation that causes more grief between lovers than the fear that the other one is drifting away. Nothing. Fear and self blaming take their toll as we struggle to make sense of the situation. Unfortunately, few areas of human existence are more full of snake oil salesmen and con men/women than the field of human love relationships.
  • Given the shell game of poorly thought out strategies, misinformation and downright deceit on the web, it's a wonder we are still able to survive and get the help that we need.
  • If this barrage of conflicting advice and heart ripping coldness from your loved one has left you more confused than empowered, take a deep breath and relax. We are about to take aim at this confusion, blow away the smoke and find a solution to your dilemna that will make things as simple and pain free as possible. You will find out why he is pulling away and what you can do to bring back the happy days that your heart yearns for.

As a matter of fact, we'll nail it down to a simple and very powerful process. With this simple system,we will create an environment for ourselves that allows us to get to the true reason of why he pulls away and set a process in place to heal gently and lovingly, whatever the findings of our quest.

But first, let's clear away some smoke. We must find out why men disappear.

When he pulled away...how it felt

What happened? We've all been caught up in the excitement of a relationship that was so satisfying. It seemed that he was the perfect fit for the missing puzzle piece in our life.

Day by day the intensity of our feelings for him exploded and reached heights we never knew existed. He would call from work, send flowers and frequently got us little surprise gifts "just because".

It seemed that love, at long last had paid a visit and was planning to set up house in our lives. We start thinking ahead, looking at what a future with this person might be like and allowing ourselves to dive in head first.

Then, out of the blue, the feeling came over you like a bucket of ice water that things were no longer the same. He pulls away. It was like an icy wind gusted through the bedroom window.

Almost instantly, we fall into the whirlwind of questions. What did I do or didn't do, what did I say or not say? The worst part is not knowing why and not knowing how to approach your love to find out what happened and what you two can do about it.

How did we know? All the signs were there.

  • The calls slow down and stop.
  • The conversations get shorter.
  • He seems distant or preoccupied.
  • Then you can tell he is on the verge of just being....gone.


Why did this man who pursued you so ardently just pull up his emotional stakes and walk away?

First let's look at the reasons you might come up with to explain his departure. These are likely not true. You are trying to find reasons to blame yourself, that he had nothing to do with it.

When he pulls away...why?

"He's afraid:" You assume that he is afraid of being hurt, of his feelings. The truth of the matter is not that he is afraid of your feelings and not his own.

It is quite possible that, in your boundless excitement at having found love, that you misread his signals, that you jumped ahead and assumed that this was it, the big one. He caught on to this and felt he wasn't ready, that he wasn't sure himself.

There is such a thing as too much too soon and if there's anything most men are afraid of, that's it. Thank God there are no signs of pregnancy!

"He's been hurt:" You assume that his heart is bashed up and emotionally bleeding inside from being mauled in previous relationships and he doesn't want to chance it again. Right?

How come you are not hesitating, then? You had your heart ripped out in the past, too, haven't you? All the actions in the relationship are based on love.

Your spirit is gushing pain yet you want to get him to move closer. Why isn't his heart responding to the fear of losing you?

"No one's ever shown him love like I have:" There may be a little truth to that statement, but you can rest assured it is not truly the reason why he pulls away.

If you've been trying really hard to "fix things", many men view this as coming on too hard and they pull back. Nobody knows how to handle a situation like that other than to stand off.

"He's confused:" This is probably true. Depending on his real reasons, he's likely mixed up. Unless he is truly planning his exit, you can bet he is wondering how such a fun, passionate and fulfilling relationship ended up on the skids? Is he too shy to ask for relationship help?


"He's busy:" That's probably partly true, but he wasn't too busy for you before, was he? If there is something really important that will take him away, a loving man will let you know way ahead of time.

Ask yourself this. Would he be too busy if he had a chance to spend some time with some hot babe from a strip club? What are the true reasons of why he pulls away?

He found someone else:" This one is probably the hardest to stomach and yet if it's true, the sad reality is that it didn't cause him to pull away. His being open to that in the first place is the result of him already having pulled away. This one may also be the hardest one to recover from, but it is doable.

He pulls away...the most powerful tool

The single most important (and effective) thing you can do when he pulls away is this: nothing. That means:

  • Not calling, texting, emailing etc.
  • Not explaining yourself one last time.
  • Not blocking or unfriending him.
  • Not posting videos of you whooping it up in Cabo with all of your fabulous friends.
  • Not trying to scare him into thinking he's lost you.
  • Not parading your hot new (male) friend in front of him.
  • Not plopping his stuff unceremoniously on his doorstep in the dead of the night.
  • Not finding ways to bump into him unexpectedly.
  • Not giving him the cold-shoulder when you really do run into him unexpectedly.
  • And so on.

In other words: really and truly nothing. Nothing. This is exactly what he has not been expecting and it will yield major results in the romance and relationship departments.

You must not appear to be pursuing him in any way, shape or form.

If he is still around, there are the more damaging forms of pursuit, which invariably occur after he's already shown clear signs of withdrawal. The most damaging is delivering one ultimatum that always fails. Withholding intimacy. More on this on my relationship self help books page.

If you view these things as "playing games", think again. This is about getting yourself centered and building up your beliefs that you are valuable and that value extends much further than this man's interest. This is about personal empowerment and that is the most powerful aphrodisiac.

Believe in your heart of hearts that this has to be done this way, that he will circle back. Pulling in your energy produces an incredibly powerful magnetic force that will pull him back.

He doesn't have to know about your pulling force. Know only that it is the same force that came into play when he pulled away and attracted to seek him out.

Other Healing Articles By Mokie:

  1. A Woman's Power To Influence A Relationship
  2. What Do Men Really Want From A Relationship?
  3. Women Use Words Men Tune Out In A Relationship
  4. Becoming The Woman Men Adore In A Relationship
  5. What The Woman Should Do In Bed
  6. The Woman On The Outside
  7. Empowering The Man In The Relationship
  8. He Pulls Away
  9. Trust And Respect
  10. Relationship Self Help Books

By the way, do you want to find out more about what to do when he pulls away? Get all the facts I couldn't put into this article and how you can get out on top of your present situation.

Best wishes always,



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